An open letter to AJ Burnett: Talented Bonehead

Dear AJ:

hey man, how's it going? First off, I just want to say that the other night, you really battled. You didn't have your best stuff, but you ground it out. You didn't give up 3-run homeruns to Reed Johnson like some others did.

But you need to stop doing something you learned to do when you were but a young lad. No not pitching, you can keep doing that. I referring to talking.

Seriously, please shut the fuck up. Stop making Toronto sound like Gitmo. Stop it.

That's nice that you got to visit with Kerry Wood and Derek Lee. Eeyore probably would've said hi too but he was off sulking after losing his rematch with Gibby for old times.

I realize Toronto may not eat baseball for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a hockey town. You need to earn their love. Toronto fans are like the hard-to get girl. She's hot, but picky. There, but a bit aloof. Fickle, changeable and maybe a bit bitchy. But if you earn her, she'll love you like you've never been loved before. Earning her is damn satisfying.

Cubs fans are the drunken sluts who are at every party, no matter how much it sucks.

And I kind of like you. I still think you are hated on a bit too much. The hat tip was really funny. Shows you have personality. But keep saying shit, I'm going to stop defending you.

P.S. Instead of talking to Chicago media, try changeup soft toss. That's a fun activity.