Well, that's just fine.

Opening Night was magic. Look at the light bathing the starting 3. The starting 3 and Scott Downs.


Those unis, plus the firework haze that hung around for 4 innings or so, made it seem like some sort of drunken dream. But unlike 3/4 of the fans, I wasn't drunk.


Alomar still has a pimp roll.


Hurt's eyes bugging out on that changeup. He was totally saying : "Ball, this is gonna hurt, but in all the right ways".



Shaun Marcum is Dave Steib. My dad called it last season, and I second it.

Oh, this chick. The low rise jeans. The muffin top. The exposed thong. Already wearing the hangover sunglasses . The fact that she lost her shirt and her shoes, but held on to her purse.

Jesse Litsch was all smoke and mirrors or some shit. Whatever, I'll take it. Pink, round and smokey.

David Eckstein, you little spaz. Nice poking.


I heard somewhere the Sox were in Japan. I had no idea. Anybody else hear this? Cause no one has been talking about it incessantly. Right, Tabby?


Checking in with the Sons of Sam Horn: "Well, now I wish I was dead."


Do you think Hurt is seeing the ball really well? Maybe he should argue balls and strikes more often.


What is up with Doc and the homeruns? He is awesome otherwise. But his misses were were not missed.


Why does Beckett always look hungover? Like from too much moonshine?


Wow, grand slam. First pitch meet second deck. Is the back spasming at all, Fat Head?


What's that, Sons of Sam Horn? "I'd just like to reiterate how much Aaron Hill needs to die."


Oh, JMac and your defense. And don't plow into Vernon anymore. He is a lot bigger than you.


Oh, and in case there is any debate...Manny is awesome. In so many ways. Manny, Blue Jays DH when Hurt is tired. Oh yeah.


Wow, the Sox pen, besides Cat Ass, is kinda shitty.


Oh Julio. They are going to boo your ass.


Well, okay a sweep.


Let's give the Sons of Sam Horn the last word : "I fucking hate the Toronto Blue Jays. Seriously, I can't even rationally process this game right now."

Stay classy, Massholes.