When I grow up...

I want to be a southpaw. More specifically a southpaw reliever. You can run like a tool. Have stupid hair. You get to be called 'crafty'. You get to have slick moves to first base, so slick the other team screams "BALK!!", but no, it wasn't. It was just slick. You get to come in the late inning, high pressure situations and face the big lefty bats like Papi, Bonds, Pronk and me (I'm totally clutch). You can have really messed up mechanics and a funky delivery. And despite the fact some people wonder how you possibly ever got a job on a major league team, teams want you. Bad.

Lil' Scotty Downs got a 3 yr /$10 million dollar deal, Brian "Bag o' Toys" Tallet 1 yr/$640,000 and Gustavo "smells less like victory, more like surgery" Chacin will get 1 yr/$725,000.

Scutaro and Frasor got some stuff too, but they aren't southpaw relievers, so they are a footnote.

The only hold out is Alex Rios. Which, incidentally, is the only one I give two shits about.