I Read A Book

"You can't grab at it. You have to caress it. Be gentle with it, or she won't call you back."

It was at this point, page 78 of Dirk Hayhurst's new book "The Bullpen Gospels" that I had to put the book down. I was alone in a Starbucks and was about to embarrass myself with an eruption of laughter. Hayhurst's coach, charmingly called Castrate, encouraged him to approach catching a baseball as one would caress a "titty."

It was then that I began to appreciate what this book was giving me. I've always wanted to know what happens in the clubhouse, in the dugout, in the 'pen. And I know I will never have that opportunity. I would never blend into that environment. I sometimes barely blend into the baseball blogging environment and occasionally feel invisible . And I realize that I am not really missing all that much (boobs, guns, boobs with guns) but it would still be nice to see it.


The book is hilarious and if the existence of the Garfoose wasn't evidence enough, the book makes it clear that Hayhurst has a fertile imagination and a natural gift for storytelling. What this book really is is a portrait of a man growing up. In an ideal world, you are already someone and the uniform you wear just identifies who you play for. You control what you can, let go of what you can't and don't get wrapped up in the bullshit. But the stench of bullshit is intoxicating and so much of one's identity is fed from external sources. What you do, who your friends are, who will sleep with you, who likes what you do. And this book is Hayhurst's very entertaining journey to move beyond that.

The Bullpen Gospels illustrates what I find fascinating about the game and what I attempt to do with this blog (although it usually just ends up being new nicknames and mocking Red Sox fans.) I don't have much interest in stats or flowcharts, but rather the idiosyncrasies and interactions that spring out from grown man boys playing a game and what that can teach me about life in general. Not that I am in need Coach Castrate's particular advice. I already know that bit of info.