A Memo
To: Blue Jays
From: Me
Re: Your sucking.
Hi Boys,
It's me. I have supported and defended you all season, but you are breaking my heart. You are the biggest teases ever. Why is it that you can go absolutely ape-shit on the best pitcher in baseball during last week's homestand but can't get anything done vs "the worst bullpen in the last 50 years"? Mike Wilner calls them that. Mike Wilner is an expert on sucking. Why is it that your loveable but sort of crappy 5th starter is the one who goes to the press and says what needs to be said, but not any of the so-called leaders? And then the "leaders" call him out for calling them out and call a players only meeting. It better have been to say "Thank you, Joshua, for kicking our asses. Your ass has been kicked so many times and any time you fuck up even a little, you are blamed solely and completely. It's time, as a team, as a unit, we take responsibility."
I am less mad at the pitchers, especially the Hatchlings. Jesse and Shaun, you guys are off the shit list. Roy? You are the one who should light a fire under your team. You are the one with the cred. AJ, no more chilli races, pies, nerf darts or boobs until 7-game winning streak. 7-games!!!!
Vernon, Troy and Frank. Okay, homeruns are nice but not always necessary. Walk, bunt, or freaking throw your head into the zone and take one for the team. Just a little hit, keep the line moving. Stop pressing, stop popping out and stop k-ing. And stop pissing me off!!!
And stop losing series to shitty teams like the D-Rays and White Sox. Just stop it.
I only yell because I care.
Joanna
From: Me
Re: Your sucking.
Hi Boys,
It's me. I have supported and defended you all season, but you are breaking my heart. You are the biggest teases ever. Why is it that you can go absolutely ape-shit on the best pitcher in baseball during last week's homestand but can't get anything done vs "the worst bullpen in the last 50 years"? Mike Wilner calls them that. Mike Wilner is an expert on sucking. Why is it that your loveable but sort of crappy 5th starter is the one who goes to the press and says what needs to be said, but not any of the so-called leaders? And then the "leaders" call him out for calling them out and call a players only meeting. It better have been to say "Thank you, Joshua, for kicking our asses. Your ass has been kicked so many times and any time you fuck up even a little, you are blamed solely and completely. It's time, as a team, as a unit, we take responsibility."
I am less mad at the pitchers, especially the Hatchlings. Jesse and Shaun, you guys are off the shit list. Roy? You are the one who should light a fire under your team. You are the one with the cred. AJ, no more chilli races, pies, nerf darts or boobs until 7-game winning streak. 7-games!!!!
Vernon, Troy and Frank. Okay, homeruns are nice but not always necessary. Walk, bunt, or freaking throw your head into the zone and take one for the team. Just a little hit, keep the line moving. Stop pressing, stop popping out and stop k-ing. And stop pissing me off!!!
And stop losing series to shitty teams like the D-Rays and White Sox. Just stop it.
I only yell because I care.
Joanna