The rest of you I want to beat. Like worse than the FUCKIN' Royals did. Why can't you hit on the road? And Gibby, don't say "Oh I have no idea." It's been a season long thing. Is someone on it? Anyone?
A Memo
To: Blue Jays
From: Me
Re: Your sucking.
Hi Boys,
It's me. I have supported and defended you all season, but you are breaking my heart. You are the biggest teases ever. Why is it that you can go absolutely ape-shit on the best pitcher in baseball during last week's homestand but can't get anything done vs "the worst bullpen in the last 50 years"? Mike Wilner calls them that. Mike Wilner is an expert on sucking. Why is it that your loveable but sort of crappy 5th starter is the one who goes to the press and says what needs to be said, but not any of the so-called leaders? And then the "leaders" call him out for calling them out and call a players only meeting. It better have been to say "Thank you, Joshua, for kicking our asses. Your ass has been kicked so many times and any time you fuck up even a little, you are blamed solely and completely. It's time, as a team, as a unit, we take responsibility."
I am less mad at the pitchers, especially the Hatchlings. Jesse and Shaun, you guys are off the shit list. Roy? You are the one who should light a fire under your team. You are the one with the cred. AJ, no more chilli races, pies, nerf darts or boobs until 7-game winning streak. 7-games!!!!
Vernon, Troy and Frank. Okay, homeruns are nice but not always necessary. Walk, bunt, or freaking throw your head into the zone and take one for the team. Just a little hit, keep the line moving. Stop pressing, stop popping out and stop k-ing. And stop pissing me off!!!
And stop losing series to shitty teams like the D-Rays and White Sox. Just stop it.
I only yell because I care.
Joanna
From: Me
Re: Your sucking.
Hi Boys,
It's me. I have supported and defended you all season, but you are breaking my heart. You are the biggest teases ever. Why is it that you can go absolutely ape-shit on the best pitcher in baseball during last week's homestand but can't get anything done vs "the worst bullpen in the last 50 years"? Mike Wilner calls them that. Mike Wilner is an expert on sucking. Why is it that your loveable but sort of crappy 5th starter is the one who goes to the press and says what needs to be said, but not any of the so-called leaders? And then the "leaders" call him out for calling them out and call a players only meeting. It better have been to say "Thank you, Joshua, for kicking our asses. Your ass has been kicked so many times and any time you fuck up even a little, you are blamed solely and completely. It's time, as a team, as a unit, we take responsibility."
I am less mad at the pitchers, especially the Hatchlings. Jesse and Shaun, you guys are off the shit list. Roy? You are the one who should light a fire under your team. You are the one with the cred. AJ, no more chilli races, pies, nerf darts or boobs until 7-game winning streak. 7-games!!!!
Vernon, Troy and Frank. Okay, homeruns are nice but not always necessary. Walk, bunt, or freaking throw your head into the zone and take one for the team. Just a little hit, keep the line moving. Stop pressing, stop popping out and stop k-ing. And stop pissing me off!!!
And stop losing series to shitty teams like the D-Rays and White Sox. Just stop it.
I only yell because I care.
Joanna
It's really bad when Tampa just wants it more
D-Rays 5 Jays 4
Carl Crawford likes to eat Blue Jay. The dude had an MRI on his wrist before the game, didn't even start and hits a walkoff to end it in the 11th. The Jays had guys on 2nd and 3rd with one out and couldn't break the tie in extras. Still have no idea how they managed that level of suckage. Especially when they had this game in the bag. Tampa gift -wrapped this sucker.
Can't leave them alone for a minute
Well, I go away for a few days and the Jays go a little crazy, in more ways than one. First, the offense goes absolutely nuclear on the Twins' pitching and sweep Minnesota right out of town. Then, on a five game winning streak, proceed to lose close games on Friday with Sparrow pitching (and bitching) and on Saturday with Doc on the mound. Shaun Marcum, quickly becoming my hero, salvaged the Windy City series.
Sparrow, annoyed at being pulled on Friday, decides he's got something to say : "I just don't think that we consistently put ourselves in position to make plays every time. I don't think that we consistently show up as a coaching staff and as a team every day. I think it shows sometimes. It's a game that we're in full control and we should have won and we didn't. All around, it wasn't a great game by us."
Wait, did he just say something every single fan who pays even a little attention has said at one time or another this season? What the hell is going on?